Posted by: The Amoeba | August 15, 2008

This Place Is Haunted

OK, I’m too lazy to write. Actually, begging your pardon, it’s like this: my employers are insisting I take a work break. The best I can do right now is re-runs. You wish new stuff from us, go here. She has dragon. I has draggin’.

For what it’s worth, Friday 15 August was Statehood Day here in Hawai‘i. A state holiday. Yes I did. I think. Can’t hardly tell. I slept through most of it. Which is why I didn’t say much about it. That, and the fact that Hawaiian Flag Day was just two weeks ago, and I ran off at the mouth about that. I wasn’t prepared to do so on so similar a topic so soon. You probably weren’t either.

The post below first appeared on Felloffatruck Publications on 9 March 2008. Five months later, and nothing has changed. Except possibly the profits of every insecticide maker with a distributor on O‘ahu.

=========================

Yep, that’s right. We live in a haunted house.

You don’t hear too much about haunted houses here in Hawai‘i, I reckon. I never did. Most probably ’cause the place is notoriously short on dark and stormy nights. Scary stories around here tend to be daylight tales, featuring big guys with big eyes and even bigger spears, Britney, who are inviting you to be the centerpiece at dinner tonight.

But it is what it is. We’ve got ghosts.

No, we didn’t see any ethereal sheets floating about the place. Nor did anything come hoo-ing into the bedroom at three in the morning.

What tipped us off was the sight of objects crossing our faux-wood floor. Things that shouldn’t .. be .. moving .. by .. themselves …

And then came the day when one of us reached for a snack. And discovered that .. someone .. had .. been .. into .. the .. cookies …

So. Who you gonna call? Eh?

Nah.

These are our ghosts.

Ghost ant

Ghost ants. Tapinoma melanocephalum, to be formal. Tiny little things whose little white behinds blend into the woodword. They’re practically invisible except when they’re getting into things they’re not supposed to. The cookie jar, for instance. By the millions – which is how many worker ants one of their supercolonies contains.

I sometimes worry that if I somehow were to kill them all (and trust me, they cause me to reveal my inner Dalek), we’d be in trouble, ’cause we’d discover that they’d been holding hands and keeping the building from collapsing. And they’re one of the (at last count) 47 species of ants on these islands. Most of them pestiferous. And all of them haoles.

Hey. I’m supposed to be a scientist. No supernatural beings need apply, remember? What were you thinking?

  – O Ceallaigh
Copyright © 2008 Felloffatruck Publications. All wrongs deplored.
All opinions are mine as a private citizen.

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Responses

  1. 😀 That’s exactly the reason why I don’t spray my hundred+ year old home for termites, or change the oil in my nearly 300K mile car. I know the nails and bolts have rusted through, and that’s got to be the only thing holding it together anymore. 😉

    Hmmm, I would have guessed a lot higher than 47 different species. I mean, I know each species has a higher population than I can count, but it still seems low to me.


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