Posted by: The Amoeba | November 28, 2008

A Song For Black Friday

I’ve been spending the last little while (I’m not sure it’s safe to mention how long a “little while” is) thinking about the Christmas creep.

No, not that creep. Or even that one. The one I mean is far more nefarious, far more insidious, far more deadly. It’s the creep who keeps whispering in the shopkeeper’s ear:

It’s OK to put up your Christmas decorations on Labor Day. Hell, that’s when Sony announces that it won’t have enough Wii units to meet the holiday demand, so you’d better buy now. You don’t want to miss that train, now do you?

Some of us still remember when Black Friday, the day after Thanksgiving in these Untied States, actually represented the beginning of the Christmas shopping season. Some of us still have memories of major department stores whose people worked frantically through the Thanksgiving holiday to put up their Christmas displays. Because it just wasn’t right to put up your Christmas stuff any earlier.

Those days are gone. Nowadays, you can’t find the Hallowe’en stuff in the stores in the last weeks of October, because it’s buried under Christmas tinsel. Next thing we know, the stores won’t bother to take down their Christmas decorations at all. Hey, waitaminute …!!

And of course, today, the Christmas creep is sanctioned at the highest levels of Government and Commerce. Save The Economy! Buy Christmas Stuff! Given that level of support, what besides a complete economic collapse (ssssh!) can stop the Creep from taking over the calendar. From putting Christmas carols, and Christmas bills, on the hearts and minds of every man, woman and child in America every day of the year! BWAH HA HAA!!

To celebrate the arrival of the Christmas millennium, the world needs a new song. I’ve ventured to supply one. You know the tune.

THE TWELVE MONTHS OF CHRISTMAS

On the first month of Christmas
My true love made it mine:
A quickly-moving gift return line.

On the second month of Christmas
My true love made it mine:
Two valentines
And a quickly-moving gift return line.

On the third month of Christmas
My true love made it mine:
Three chocolate bunnies,
Two valentines,
And a quickly-moving gift return line.

On the fourth month of Christmas
My true love made it mine:
Four dozen roses,
Three chocolate bunnies,
Two valentines,
And a quickly-moving gift return line.

On the fifth month of Christmas
My true love made it mine:
CHRISTMAS IN JULY!
Four dozen roses,
Three chocolate bunnies,
Two valentines,
And a quickly-moving gift return line.

On the sixth month of Christmas
My true love made it mine:
Six summer outfits,
CHRISTMAS IN JULY!
Four dozen roses,
Three chocolate bunnies,
Two valentines,
And a quickly-moving gift return line.

On the seventh month of Christmas
My true love made it mine:
Seven travel brochures,
Six summer outfits,
CHRISTMAS IN JULY!
Four dozen roses,
Three chocolate bunnies,
Two valentines,
And a quickly-moving gift return line.

On the eighth month of Christmas
My true love made it mine:
Eight early shoppers,
Seven travel brochures,
Six summer outfits,
CHRISTMAS IN JULY!
Four dozen roses,
Three chocolate bunnies,
Two valentines,
And a quickly-moving gift return line.

On the ninth month of Christmas
My true love made it mine:
Nine Darth Vader costumes,
Eight early shoppers,
Seven travel brochures,
Six summer outfits,
CHRISTMAS IN JULY!
Four dozen roses,
Three chocolate bunnies,
Two valentines,
And a quickly-moving gift return line.

On the tenth month of Christmas
My true love made it mine:
Ten sold-out crazes,
Nine Darth Vader costumes,
Eight early shoppers,
Seven travel brochures,
Six summer outfits,
CHRISTMAS IN JULY!
Four dozen roses,
Three chocolate bunnies,
Two valentines,
And a quickly-moving gift return line.

On the eleventh month of Christmas
My true love made it mine:
Eleven frozen turkeys,
Ten sold-out crazes,
Nine Darth Vader costumes,
Eight early shoppers,
Seven travel brochures,
Six summer outfits,
CHRISTMAS IN JULY!
Four dozen roses,
Three chocolate bunnies,
Two valentines,
And a quickly-moving gift return line.

On the twelfth month of Christmas
My true love made it mine:
Twelve panic buyers,
Eleven frozen turkeys,
Ten sold-out crazes,
Nine Darth Vader costumes,
Eight early shoppers,
Seven travel brochures,
Six summer outfits,
CHRISTMAS IN JULY!
Four dozen roses,
Three chocolate bunnies,
Two valentines,
And a quickly-moving gift return line.

Bah. Humbug.

– O Ceallaigh
Copyright © 2008 Felloffatruck Publications. All wrongs deplored.
All opinions are mine as a private citizen.

Advertisements

Responses

  1. […] OC is also sharing his thoughts on Christmas consumerism.  If you want a good laugh, visit: O’Ceallaigh & The Quill.  Take your ukelele, there will be sining, A Song for Black Friday. […]

  2. Perfect, OC. If only Bing Crosby were here to sing it.

  3. *BRAVO!* clap clap clap! YAY! What a GREAT sing-a-long!!! I thoroughly enjoyed that OC! Thank you verrrrrrry much!

  4. hilarious! (and a little sad; no, very sad in fact)
    now, who’s gonna record this?

  5. I loved this post!
    So very true, even in Europe!
    But that song is going to stick in my ears i’m afraid!

  6. Doug, Der Bingle valued his career more highly than that. Perhaps Dr. Demento. Or Axl Rose.

    Melli, *bows*.

    Well, Polona, it won’t be Mr. Crosby … Quilly, will you get that microphone out of my face?!? You trying to scare everybody off?

    Jientje, apologies for the earworm.

  7. Hubby and I haven’t been buying each other gifts for years, last year a friend told me that it’s not romantic not to buy gifts for your spouse…I told her she is just the sucker the hawkers on Madison Avenue are targeting. I think I hurt her feelings, I hope that some day she understands that we don’t need to spend money on each other to prove how much somebody means to us.

  8. Oh yah…and I rreally dig the song. hehe

  9. Wonderful, one of the best posts yet about the commercialism of Christmas. Just one Question, why is it OK for all stores to have Holiday Sales, Try to Out-Decorate their store, play Generic Christmas Music, but it is Wrong to Wish Someone A Merry Christmas. Or talk about it in School without offending someone. If fact we are not allowed to Wish someone a Merry Christmas on our buses anymore.

    Thank you for sharing your post

  10. Shelly, count your blessings. For so many people, romance is spelled in gold letters. Or else.

    Bill, it’s because one stroppy Baha’i can ruin your whole day on the bus, but will make absolutely no difference whatsoever to Hudson Bay Company profits.

    Thanks to you both.

  11. I’m with ya on the too early Christmas decorations. I couldn’t find a decent holiday geegaw for Thanksgiving to hang on my back door where the space is somewhat limited. So, the BOO sign stayed there all during the blink that was Thanksgiving.

    I started our Christmas shopping today. Our grandson gets goodies, the rest one gift and something I knitted.

  12. “… the blip that was Thanksgiving” … because it’s not a buy me holiday and is therefore irrelevant (except maybe to the airlines). Sigh.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Categories

%d bloggers like this: