Posted by: The Amoeba | March 27, 2009

The Claw of the Sea Puss

As you may have noticed, Quilly does a lot more blog visiting than I do. This is on account of because I’m supposed to be in charge of paying the rent. I reckon those who make it possible for me to pay the rent would, at the first excuse, sign me up for a twelve-step program to keep me from writing this blog, never mind make the rounds of others.

So it was Quilly who found out about the recent (26 March 2009) goings-on at Diesel’s place. This Diesel, as you may know, hosts a community blogsite for amateur humorists. And one of his schticks has been to complain (facetiously, one hopes) about how he can’t get to be the top-rated blog on his own site. He had just bribed clambered his way up to no. 3 when …

The two top-rated blogs disappeared.

On one of them, the author abruptly pulled the plug.

On the other, the author abruptly got his plug pulled. By a drunk driver who slammed into the back of the author’s car while the author was in front of it, fixing a flat tire.

On such occasions, it is customary for commentators and other bloglifes to muse on the fragility of human existence. I, being contrary, tend to reflect on its robustness. I mean, we are surrounded, every minute of every day, by bacteria, fungi, and invertebrate microfauna worms that, given the least chance, would turn our bodies into soup within hours. And yet, even in the most squalid habitats and with the most horrific of diets, we carry on.

Until we don’t. For, sooner or later, the robustness gives out. As Quilly says in the tagline to her blog, none of us is going to get out of this world alive. The claw of the sea puss catches us all in the end, James.

We’d just rather it didn’t happen to friends, families, and neighbors. Or blog buddies, about whom you’re seldom quite sure: “is this real, or somebody’s idea of a joke?”

Turns out, the blogger who died had anticipated his death, although he expected the cause to be an obesity-related emergency (heart attack, stroke), not a highway-related one. He had even written a farewell message, for a friend to post on the blogger’s site. Clearly, this was a man who knew where his towel was.

Your Amoeba? Not so much. Although he rides at least three times a week through some of the most treacherous-for-bicyclists streets in Honolulu, streets that landed a former student employee of his in the hospital for months as the result of a fundamental disagreement between his bike and a city bus. (Note to self: playing dodge ball with objects much larger and less maneuverable than yourself on city highways is not high on the list of great ideas.)

I suppose a will’s in order – somebody has to look after the moths in my pockets after I’m no longer able to do so – or at least a message of farewell to blog readers. Until the time comes when (if) I get the job done properly, the item below, taken from a post on a predecessor blogsite in 2006 (and posted now rather than after I’ve passed on, mostly on account of because I don’t know where my towel is, but also because I do know my Murphy’s Law), will have to do …

when i am gone
do not hang your head
you cannot gloom me to any glorious reward
you cannot shout me onto fire and ice
the time for that is past

when i am gone
you may do this thing for me
you may dispose of the body
it is a computer
          (no more)
it can no longer be booted
the viruses have it
do not let my last failure
          become an epidemic

when i am gone
build me no monument
spend no time on a stone
it is a safe adoration
but a cold one

when i am gone
splash water on your face
eat and drink
let no one challenge this

there is a living one who needs you

  – O Ceallaigh
Copyright © 2006, 2009 Felloffatruck Publications. All wrongs deplored.
All opinions are mine as a private citizen.



  1. I’m sorry to hear about the death of the blogger unexpectedly. But OC I must say, after just going through a death in my family, I so agree with your “when I’m gone” Very well done 🙂

  2. I like the poem. I think H.L. Mencken’s tomb says that if you think of him and wish to please his ghost, forgive a sinner and wink at a homely girl.

  3. Time moves forward and so must we, eh, Thom?

    Apparently it does say that, Doug.

    Thanks to both of you.

  4. In deed we do 🙂

  5. And apparently TNO really is gone. I didn’t fully believe it at first, but his blog has been taken down as promised, and no one has heard from him. Life is crazy, eh? And then it stops.

    • It is, Diesel, and it does. A good thing to remember when you’re thinking about nuking that moron who just …

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