Posted by: The Amoeba | March 30, 2009

Plural Singularities

He: “Remember the old Pixie and Dixie cartoons?”

She: “I think so. But I haven’t seen any in years. Wonder why?”

He: “The English teachers, no doubt.”

She: “The English teachers?”

He: “Yeah. I’m sure it’s hard enough to get kids to master singulars and plurals without that damned cat, Mr. Jinks, mangling the language every Saturday morning. I hate those meeces to pieces!

She: “Oy! You’re right!

He: “You want to say that again, so they can hear it?”

She: “What I was saying was, ‘Just imagine if meeces were the plural of mouse‘.”

He: “I don’t think you’d better go there.”

She: “Why not?”

He: “What would the singular of leases be, then?”

She: “That’s a lousy thing to say about our landlord!”

He: “So if the plural of mouse is mice, and the plural of louse is lice, and the plural of douse is dice …”

She:Douse is a verb, you can’t make a plural out of it.”

He: “Oh, craps. And the plural of spouse is spice …”

She: “It is not, and don’t you dare try it!”

He: “I suppose you’re going to tell me, then, that the plural of house is not hice.”

She: “I don’t have to now, do I?”

He: “Well, why isn’t it?”

She and He together:¡Porque inglés es loco!

  – O Ceallaigh
Copyright © 2009 Felloffatruck Publications. All wrongs deplored.
All opinions are mine as a private citizen.



  1. You two are very quick witted. I would have never thought about a landlord being a lice. Other more descriptive terms possibly but not a lice. It works for me! What about dice, nice, rice, vice? hmmmm

  2. Thom, we were going from -ous to -ice, but you’re right, the reverse does have some interesting possibilities! Oh — and read the story again, he did dice!

    Oh, and in our real conversation, OC did not get all the funny lines.

  3. A lice, Thom? You’re as bad as Mr. Jinks! 😉 Have a rousing slice of sushi.

    What real conversation, Q? Didn’t you just spend a post or two tsk-tsking people for thinking that He and She are us? :*

  4. Amoeba — I can have it both ways if I want to. I have to keep reminding you of this every few days: Rule #1 — Quilly always gets her own way. Rule#2 — if Quilly’s way is contrary to your way, see rule #1. I don’t know why you have trouble with this concept. It seems easy to me! :*

  5. my head would blow off

  6. Oh dear, Nancy — you’d never get to Hawaii if that were to happen!

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