Patient: So you think you can help, Doc?
Physician: Yes, I think so. Here’s a prescription for the pain you’ve been experiencing.
Patient (reads): As … pi …
Physician: Occasionally you’ll get heartburn from taking these, so we’d better get you to take these antacids to counteract that.
Patient: OK. Can I go …
Physician Hang on. Your cholesterol readings are high, that could be contributing to what you’re feeling. And besides, you’d be at increased risk of heart attack or stroke if we left this alone. So you’d better take this medication too.
Patient: Criminy! The price on this one will induce a heart attack!
Physician: Well, I considered an anti-anxiety medication, but I was beginning to think you had enough … Oh! I knew I was forgetting something. The anti-cholesterol medication means you can’t have grapefruit juice, so I’ll need to make sure you get a vitamin C supplement. Here.
Patient: Where?! I’m out of pockets!
Physician: Right. You’ll need a calendar and one of these dispensers, so you can keep track of all these pills. Including this one, which will help ensure that you absorb the vitamins OK. But be sure you manage the dosage just right, or you could experience neuralgia.
Patient: Which is?
Physician: Pain …
Patient: Doc, wouldn’t it be a whole lot better for everybody if I just went home and died?
Physician (horrified): Not for me!
– O Ceallaigh
Copyright © 2009 Felloffatruck Publications. All wrongs deplored.
All opinions are mine as a private citizen.