Posted by: The Amoeba | May 22, 2009

Boast No Pills

Patient: So you think you can help, Doc?

Physician: Yes, I think so. Here’s a prescription for the pain you’ve been experiencing.

Patient (reads): As … pi …

Physician: Occasionally you’ll get heartburn from taking these, so we’d better get you to take these antacids to counteract that.

Patient: OK. Can I go …

Physician Hang on. Your cholesterol readings are high, that could be contributing to what you’re feeling. And besides, you’d be at increased risk of heart attack or stroke if we left this alone. So you’d better take this medication too.

Patient: Criminy! The price on this one will induce a heart attack!

Physician: Well, I considered an anti-anxiety medication, but I was beginning to think you had enough … Oh! I knew I was forgetting something. The anti-cholesterol medication means you can’t have grapefruit juice, so I’ll need to make sure you get a vitamin C supplement. Here.

Patient: Where?! I’m out of pockets!

Physician: Right. You’ll need a calendar and one of these dispensers, so you can keep track of all these pills. Including this one, which will help ensure that you absorb the vitamins OK. But be sure you manage the dosage just right, or you could experience neuralgia.

Patient: Which is?

Physician: Pain …

Patient: Doc, wouldn’t it be a whole lot better for everybody if I just went home and died?

Physician (horrified): Not for me!

  – O Ceallaigh
Copyright © 2009 Felloffatruck Publications. All wrongs deplored.
All opinions are mine as a private citizen.

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Responses

  1. Aspirin.

  2. Once again, it all goes back to the almighty dollar. Could you imagine if there were cures for everything …. well maybe then the doctors would drive around in Corolla’s, Sentra’s, Impala’s, etc.
    We can put a man on the moon but can’t cure the common cold…

  3. In my first semester of nursing school I had an instructor dare us to try to find a prescription med that doesn’t have ANY side effects associated with it. If there is one that exists, I’m not aware of it. And yes, then we end up prescribing even more meds for the side effects that have their own side effects… it’s a vicious cycle.

  4. hahahahaaaa… someone have his yearly check up recently? just wait until they start inserting those tubes into those special places.

  5. Ironically, Quilly, aspirin probably wouldn’t make it onto the drug shelf if it were being offered as new today. Too many side effects …

    Thom, curing the common colds [sic] would cost more money than putting a person on the moon.

    Brooke, water has side effects. But you probably knew that.

    Actually, no, kitty. I just know too many folks who have a little toast with their medicines for breakfast.

  6. Patient cum livestock?

  7. Doug, that crack just gives a whole new meaning to the term steeroids

  8. Quilly left this url in my blog…I was whinging about some meds…I swear I thought I’d posted to this one. I’ve read it. I don’t have Alzheimer’s yet…most of the time anyway. I must have gotten side tracked and failed to comment on this true statement.

    I’ve had to make a tremendously long tabled document to keep a list of all the meds I’m taking now and give one to each of the docs, including my dentist. They love it. I’m worn out with it, but have to admit maybe I am feeling a little better, but dangit…Tuesday comes around again soon….and then it starts all over again.


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