Posted by: The Amoeba | August 6, 2009

Dude and Dude: Stormy Weather

“Hey, dude! Where the hell are ya?”

“Don’t have a cow, dude, I’m … What the …??

“You gonna help me with this stuff, or what?”

“You don’t need me, dude, you need the National Guard. You leave anything for the tourists? Sheesh. Flashlights, pocket radios, batteries, canned fruit, canned vegetables, canned Spam … canned Spam?!? That’s too much, dude, I’m calling the clinic.”

“Not until after we’ve got this stuff stowed.”

“For why, dude? I also want to know, like, where, in this plain ordinary million-bucks-a-square-centimetre Honolulu apartment, but let’s do the first question first.”

“You ain’t heard about the hurricane?”

“The Hawai‘i football coach teed off on the University of Miami program too? Wasn’t the Notre Dame snafu bad enough?

“He’s got just as much aloha as everyone else around here. He made the mistake of being honest about it for five seconds and got caught. But screw football. I’m worried about staying alive.”

“Man, that’s heavy. Did you get conked on the head surfing?”

“That’s your department, dude. Remember when we were first here, out on the leeward side of O‘ahu, and the winds blew for a few hours?”

“Do I ever, dude. Roads blocked, no one going in or out, and no electricity for days. My thumbs are still going through withdrawal.”

“Right. Generator. I knew there was something else on the list.”

“For the Wii?”

“For the freezer. Dude. Unless you care to eat Spam for the next month.”

“The next month??!?

“Yeah, dude. The last time a big hurricane blew through here, the people who got power back in a month counted themselves lucky.”

“But, dude, that was, like, before you were born. These hurricane thingys usually go poof long before they get to Hawai‘i, don’t they?”

“Usually, yeah. But this is an El Nino year. Warmer water around Hawai‘i, and different wind patterns. It was also an El Nino year when Hurricane Iniki hit. You ever in the Boy Scouts?”

“Um, no. More like the Boy Nintendos.”

“Well, you can pretend now. ‘Cause we’re going to be prepared for this storm. And if it don’t come, well, maybe we can interest some tourists in native Hawai‘ian cuisine.”

“Y’mean, the Spam?”

Ssssssh!!

  – O Ceallaigh
Copyright © 2009 Felloffatruck Publications. All wrongs deplored.
All opinions are mine as a private citizen.

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Responses

  1. spam kabobs from my youth were my favorite — my 1960s Mom’s idea of exotic dinner

  2. you are going to get some weather?

    i envy you

    no weather here for awhile…
    no rain to speak of
    no wind
    no excitement

    just hot humid gross
    new england summer
    with extra bugs

  3. Dude, “being honest?” An honest bigot’s crime isn’t honesty.

  4. Davis, clearly your mother wasn’t in the U.S. armed forces. Or, was she …?

    Don’t think so, so. There’s a hurricane headed in our direction, but the smart money says it won’t get here except perhaps as a rain cloud. ‘Course, that’s what they said just before Hurricane Iniki tore the place apart. Sorry to hear that the dog days are boring out your way.

    Dawg, behind the mask of the smiling Hawaiian with Aloha on his lips is a grimy wolf who spends his coffee breaks snarling about effing haoles, and goes home to throw babies onto the freeway. In McMackin’s little crack, you got a glimpse of the canines.

    One of the scientific societies to which I belong just had a meeting here. Most folk had the same comment about our aloha: “Fake”. And the same sentiment about real life here: “Just what I’d expect from a place with too damn many people on it.”

  5. Batten down the hatches. You weren’t here for Iniki…well lemme tell ya be prepared. Oh and BTW we have had worse rain storms here in Honolulu than any hurricane that has hit. Just be glad we aren’t on the Big Isle or Kaua’i. We are loaded with spam 🙂 I’ll take the Hawaiian cuisine anytime 🙂

  6. Vegas never got no hurricanes!

  7. Thom — set the dinner table for two extra if the storm hits. We’ll come live with YOU!

    Brian — torrential rain storms kill dozens every year in Nevada. My first year in Vegas a flash flood took out an entire mobile home park when a storm canal retaining wall collapsed.

  8. Currently the news is still focused on Felicia, a category 4 tropical storm that will either strengthen or weaken our Trade Winds (both scenarios in same forecast, so they stand a better than average chance of getting it right).


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