Dude and Dude: Dirty Money

“Hey dude!”


“Want to see something dirty?

“Promise you won’t tell OC?”


“OK, then, show me.”

“Open your wallet, dude.”

“Open my … what kind of scam are you running, dude?!?

“You want to see something dirty or not?”

“Dude, when it comes to dirt, what I got in my wallet wouldn’t buy five minutes of Barney.”

“Wanna bet?”

“Sheesh. Now the dude wants to go to Vegas, on my dime. I don’t think so, dude.”

“Look, what’ve you got?”

“Three bucks.”

“Lay ’em out here.”

“OK, but keep your mitts off ’em.”

“Ewww. No worries about that, dude, I ain’t touchin’ ’em.”

“‘Ewwww?!?‘ That’s cash, dude. Legal tender and all that. What’s wrong with it? What’s wrong with you?

“It’s filthy, dude.”

“You tryin’ to tell me somethin’, dude? Careful how you answer that …”

“You’ve just added the latest layer, dude. You wanted to see something dirty, well, there it is. Them dollar bills’ve got all kinds of stuff on ’em. See for yourself.”

“Quite the list, dude. Garden dirt, bits of egg salad, a dash of shoyu sauce, a few germs, cocaine … cocaine!?!

“Don’t even think it, dude. It might be on most of the bills in these U. S. of A., but there ain’t never enough on any one bill to get a fly high. You’ve heard the expression filthy lucre?


“Well, there it is. Y’can put the bills back in your wallet now. But for God’s sake, wash your hands after you’ve stopped messin’ with that money.”

  – O Ceallaigh
Copyright © 2009 Felloffatruck Publications. All wrongs deplored.
All opinions are mine as a private citizen.


  1. Because he wasn’t listening, Q. Of course, the Dudes have trouble with that …

    You can disinfect the card, Davis, but can you purify the principle?

    It’s virtually a secret, Thom. Like the 2003 drug testing of Major League Baseball players …

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