See Spots Run

Your Friendly Neighborhood Amoeba had an, er, interesting morning.

Before I tell you just how interesting, I’d better fill you in on the preconditions.

1. Whoever’s in charge of ventilation around here has either been sleeping on the job or has gotten sacked. Given the current economic situation of Hawai‘i and its long-standing reputation for bureaucratic efficiency – that’s a joke, son – it’s hard to tell the difference. It’s hot outside, because the trade winds aren’t blowing. And, it’s hot inside, because the air conditioning at work has failed and it might get fixed by Christmas if they can find the parts, and if they can run enough bake sales to pay for the parts, and if they can fill out enough forms to get permission to use the money from the bake sales to pay for the parts.

2. Hawai‘i, as all the advertising assures you, is a tropical paradise. See “hot”, supra. See also “bugs”. The battle is neverending. Roaches, and flies, and termites, and ants, and lizards, and (of course) centipedes are all trying to horn in on your spa … What’s that? Lizards aren’t bugs? Hey. They bug me, especially when I have to shake them out of my shoes in the morning. Doesn’t that count?

Where was I? Oh. Yeah. We’ve established, I trust, that YFNA’s current place of residence is, at present, both hot and buggy. We can now proceed to the, ahem, interesting events of this morning.

Which began around dawn after a hot, fitful night made hotter and more fitful by the sunburn I got doing my normal bike ride from work (a surprise I really didn’t need). I opened my eyes, not without a certain reluctance, and promptly wished I’d kept them closed.

Because there was a swarm of little black spots hovering in the corner of the bedroom, next to the window. Buzzing around as a swarm of gnats would, or (far worse) as a swarm of winged ants would.

I lay there for several minutes watching this swarm, gathering strength of body and soul to do what needed to be done. Which was to inspect this latest plague, which showed no signs of going away any time soon, and figure out what to do about it.

At last, I hauled myself out of bed and stumbled over to the corner. I had no clear plan of attack – nothing to catch or swat the bugs with, not even my glasses with which to see them with any clarity – but I figured “get over there, and something will turn up, first let’s get an idea of what we’re dealing with.” So I got to the window and …


Well, not quite nothing. A couple of specks lingered long enough in front of the windowsill to assure me there was nothing insectoidal about them. In fact, there was noting substantial about them.

See spots. See spots run. Run, spots, run.

I didn’t see them again. In fact, I didn’t see much of anything the rest of today except Quilly, who was making sure that I had a fan at my back and water in my glass.

She must have had a word with somebody upstairs while she was at it, because the trade winds came back today, as well.

Now, if she can only do something about the a/c in my office …

  – O Ceallaigh
Copyright © 2009 Felloffatruck Publications. All wrongs deplored.
All opinions are mine as a private citizen.

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