Posted by: The Amoeba | September 27, 2009

Dude and Dude: A Bug In the System

“What you got there, dude?”

“Flyer came in the mail. About flu season.”

“And what are we supposed to be doing with flu season?”

“Sprinkling it on your linguine.”

NOT.”

“You may as well, dude. If you don’t, someone will do it for you.”

“Dude, that’s gross.”

“Sorry to hear you say that, dude. We were going to the pub tonight. Now we can’t.”

“Why not? The pub won’t want anybody workin’ there spewin’ germs over the grub and brewskis. They’ll send the sickies home.”

“And those workers who stay home will pay the rent how?

“With their sick days, of course.”

“Dude, you’re clueless. These people ain’t got no sick days. They go to work sneezin’ and sweatin’, or they won’t have no work to go to.”

“But that’ll spread germs all over the place!”

“It gets worse, dude. Say you’ve got a kid, and two parents – or, worse, one – bustin’ their guts to keep the kid in sneakers. The kid gets the flu. Says here in this flyer that the parents are supposed to keep Junior home. OK. Who’s going to get fired so that someone can stay home to watch the offspring throw up? Parents’re already sweating bullets over these damned furlough days. ‘The school’s closed and I can’t afford child care’ won’t cut no ice with a boss itching to cut payroll. The kid’s not dead, she’s going to school.”

“Dammit, dude, why don’t they just load up a bunch of helicopters with the virus, spray the entire city, and get it over with?

“What? And deny a profit opportunity to the flu vaccine makers? And what makes you think that the big money dudes whose salaries are increasing while everyone else is getting the shaft, and who get all the sick days their extended vacations could ever use, would let anything like that happen?”

“But what about us, dude?!?

“We hope that it’s the flu, dude, and not the plague.”

  – O Ceallaigh
Copyright © 2009 Felloffatruck Publications. All wrongs deplored.
All opinions are mine as a private citizen.

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Responses

  1. If only we had immune systems, there would be some hope.

    • Dawg, our immune systems lock us up pretty good. Trouble is, those damned viruses keep stealing the keys …

  2. As a classroom teacher I can concur that our classrooms are prime breeding grounds for viruses. Somebody is always sick and willing to share their germs, and you’re right, most parents can’t afford to keep their kids home.

    • About the only thing they’re willing to share, eh, Q?

  3. Unfortunately the June Cleaver days are long over and both parents have to work. Oh well it makes work for the Mary Poppins type. I do concur with Quilly that the classrooms are the breeding ground for these bugs.

    Totally spray the city with a flu virus, sounds like a really bad 1950’s Horror film.

    • Bill, the ghost of Ed Wood just signed up to write the screenplay and direct the movie. It’s a porker.

  4. Even though my kids have me as a SAHM, my high schoolers can’t afford to miss class. They’d have to be REALLY sick to stay home. I confess, I medicate and send them out the door. For now, that is just due to seasonal allergies… but then how do you know if it is allergies or a cold?
    If you really want the germs, spend time in a preschool or Kindergarten class… esp. Kindergarten, for some reason! Eeeew.

    • Ah yes, those medications. Those of us who live in today’s world have no idea just how the world was before they came on the scene. There would be plagues for real, and no question about sending sick kids to school. The authorities would be closing the schools. Of course, they’re doing that now … but not ’cause of the flu.


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