Dear readers, Your Friendly (and Peaceable) Neighborhood Amoeba would like to introduce you to our new friend Seth.
Seth’s personal story is remarkable. He comes from a long line of noble and virtuous people – according to one source, that line goes all the way back to the beginnings of humanity. The Seth patriarch grew up in a turbulent household, scarred by the eviction of his parents from their first home and the violent death of his eldest brother. Moreover, his mother, who bore 56 children, was constantly either pregnant or nursing or both, and with all those kids screaming to be fed or changed or taken to the movies or be given the car keys for a night of cruising the Negev, the noise must have been unbearable. Consequently, Seth the First developed a powerful, almost ferocious, devotion to the principles and practices of peace on Earth.
A devotion that has been passed on to the descendants of Seth down to the present day.
Our Seth has a hard time understanding how the goals of peace on Earth and good will to humankind can be achieved by blaring slogans at top volume from loudspeakers in shopping malls. As far as Seth is concerned, the way people behave in the malls, with all the pushing and shoving and yelling and grabbing, is proof that the high-decibel approach to attitude adjustment isn’t working any better in America than it did in Iraq, and it’s time to try something else.
Seth has opted for the personal approach. When he perceives a violation of the true spirit of the holidays, he walks up to the person responsible and says, in a quiet voice, “Please stop. You’re giving me an earache.”
Oh. Did I mention that Seth is 6′ 5″ / 195 cm, 275 pounds / 125 kilos, built like a tank and probably stronger? That he holds a 10th degree black belt in karate, is a master of seven other self-defense codes, and has been known to tie steel bars into knots with his bare hands?
“Yes, sir. Of course, sir. Anything you say, sir.”
With our new friend around, we’re looking forward to a far quieter and more reverential Yuletide.
For the wages of din is Seth.
Don’t make us go over there.
– O Ceallaigh
Copyright © 2009 Felloffatruck Publications. All wrongs deplored.
All opinions are mine as a private citizen.