Posted by: The Amoeba | December 2, 2009

Let There Be Peace – Or Else

Dear readers, Your Friendly (and Peaceable) Neighborhood Amoeba would like to introduce you to our new friend Seth.

Seth’s personal story is remarkable. He comes from a long line of noble and virtuous people – according to one source, that line goes all the way back to the beginnings of humanity. The Seth patriarch grew up in a turbulent household, scarred by the eviction of his parents from their first home and the violent death of his eldest brother. Moreover, his mother, who bore 56 children, was constantly either pregnant or nursing or both, and with all those kids screaming to be fed or changed or taken to the movies or be given the car keys for a night of cruising the Negev, the noise must have been unbearable. Consequently, Seth the First developed a powerful, almost ferocious, devotion to the principles and practices of peace on Earth.

A devotion that has been passed on to the descendants of Seth down to the present day.

Our Seth has a hard time understanding how the goals of peace on Earth and good will to humankind can be achieved by blaring slogans at top volume from loudspeakers in shopping malls. As far as Seth is concerned, the way people behave in the malls, with all the pushing and shoving and yelling and grabbing, is proof that the high-decibel approach to attitude adjustment isn’t working any better in America than it did in Iraq, and it’s time to try something else.

Seth has opted for the personal approach. When he perceives a violation of the true spirit of the holidays, he walks up to the person responsible and says, in a quiet voice, “Please stop. You’re giving me an earache.”

Oh. Did I mention that Seth is 6′ 5″ / 195 cm, 275 pounds / 125 kilos, built like a tank and probably stronger? That he holds a 10th degree black belt in karate, is a master of seven other self-defense codes, and has been known to tie steel bars into knots with his bare hands?

“Yes, sir. Of course, sir. Anything you say, sir.”

With our new friend around, we’re looking forward to a far quieter and more reverential Yuletide.

For the wages of din is Seth.

Don’t make us go over there.

  – O Ceallaigh
Copyright © 2009 Felloffatruck Publications. All wrongs deplored.
All opinions are mine as a private citizen.

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Responses

  1. Enos can take him.

    • Clash of the Titans, Dawg? Will “duck and cover” do us any good?

  2. 6’5″ and a big guy, eh? Devotion to principles and peace?

    IS HE SINGLE?!

    • Singled out, maybe, Susan.

  3. Susan — it doesn’t matter — YOU aren’t! (Memory lapse?)

  4. Cherry Mristmas, love.

    • And a Hoppy Yoo Mear, Q. :*

  5. I have an entirely different Seth – much smaller, much scrawnier – but still rather soft spoken and all for Peace on Earth! My Seth is our new Vicar. But if your Seth can achieve peace through intimidation … so be it! 🙂

    • He might not be so peaceable if you send him this post, Melli. Especially the punchline …

  6. Wages of din . .. ouch! LOL

    You and Quilly are quite the punsters! I don’t even have to try to make my kids groan anymore — I just tell them what the two of you have come up with and they think I’m not so bad with mine!

    On the other hand, Seth has the write idea about the noise, noise, noise, NOISE! I think Dr. Seuss did something with that line.


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