Posted by: The Amoeba | May 31, 2010

Our Lacrosses To Bear

“Ah, Syd, such a sight does a heart good.”

“What sight is that, Reg?”

“The sight of the Duke boys winning the national collegiate lacrosse championship. We were watching it in the bedroom …”

“Your wife’s back from her trip?”

“No, bless her heart, she’s had to extend her stay in Cancun for at least another week. Told me to try to have some fun anyway, and we must obey our wives, now, mustn’t we?”

“Well, Reg, I know you’re devout in your (ahem) missionary work, but I didn’t think you’d be a fan of spectator sports.”

“Why not, when it’s our boys we’re watching?”

Our boys?”

“Our boys indeed, Syd. Real student athletes, none of this single-digit-SAT-scores, can’t-write-their-own-names rabble from off the streets. They go to real classes, get real grades, have million-dollar allowances so they don’t have to pester their schools for scholarships …”

“You mean, like your daughter and my son?”

“Hmmm. Maybe we should have gotten them to take up lacrosse …”

“Or that lacrosse player in Virginia who bashed his old girlfriend to death in a drunken frenzy?”

“It was an accident.”

“Kid had a rap sheet longer than OJ Simpson’s, and a comparable ability to, er, forget to mention facts.”

“The facts will show, Syd, that the young man was an unfortunate victim of circumstance. They’d better. If they could spring Simpson …”

“Speaking of million-dollar allowances, weren’t these Duke kids the same ones who were accused of assaulting the stripper a few years ago?”

“Falsely accused by a class enemy, who I’m proud to say was sacked for his pains. Sometimes, Syd, like the people at the Gates Foundation, we have to do what we must to get people to do the right thing.”

“True, Reg – but back in the day, even being at a strip show, never mind one that was a team function, would get every player in the room barred from the sport, if not thrown out of school, permanently.”

“Times have changed, Syd. We have to be prepared to overlook a few minor indiscretions. I know you’ve got a few on your account, and I’d hate for any of them to come to the attention of your auditor …”

  – O Ceallaigh
Copyright © 2010 Felloffatruck Publications. All wrongs deplored.
All opinions are mine as a private citizen.

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Responses

  1. If the price of wealth is watching lacrosse, I’ll stay broke.

  2. Yikes.

    I went to a lacrosse school, and came away with a big fat loathing for it all.


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