He and She: Edginess

pairpareShe: “So did you bring home the paring knife I packed with your lunch?”

He: “No, sorry, I left it in a drawer at work.”

She: “Well, that’s all right I guess, it should be safe there.”

He: “I reckon. Safe enough so that I should know, when I get back to the office, whether you’ve been buying the right kind of knife or not.”

She: “The .. right .. kind .. of .. knife …”

He: “Yeah. When I open that drawer, there oughta be two of ’em there.”

She: “Uh …”

He: “You did give me a pairing knife, didn’t you? If they’re not pairing, you should take them back to the store and get your money back.”

She: “That’s not all I’ll be doing at that store then.”

He: “Oh?”

She: “I’m going to get their best hunting and fishing knives too. Never have to buy meat at the grocery store again, they’ll bring us all we want. Though I’ll probably have to tell the fishing knife not to wake the neighbors when it leaves the house at 4 in the morning. And I’ll be packing their lunches instead of yours!

He: “I’m not so sure about this.”

She: “How come? ‘Cause you’ll have to pack your own lunch?”

He: “No. Because you’ll want to be sure you don’t get a hybrid knife by mistake. Gotta watch their pedigrees.”

She: “I don’t think they come with papers.”

He: “They usually come with warranties, don’t they? Better read carefully. You get a hunting/paring knife cross, they could multiply out of control. And a houseful of hungry hunting knives … well, weren’t you looking for a plot for a horror movie?”

She: “Urban fantasy. I’ll run the idea by Ilona, but I think it’ll be too far out even for her. Besides, easy fix. You just keep them in twos, then they’re already be in pairs and won’t feel the need to make more.”

He: “OK. If you’re sure about that. And please be careful what you pick up at the farmer’s market.”

She: “Why?”

He: “Because I don’t wish to try and cut up an apple with a pearing knife. It’d probably bounce off, and I could hurt myself.”

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