Posted by: The Amoeba | February 27, 2013

He and She: The Island of Dr. Quilly

chimaeraShe:Hey! I thought you were the mad scientist around here!”

He: “Ah, no. Place where I work frowns on the bwa-ha-ha stuff. Bad for fundraising.”

She: “So I’ve got to do it?!?”

He: “The fundraising? No, we’ve got experts to … oi! Put .. the .. lab .. coat .. down! Do I wish to know where this is coming from?”

She: “The island!”

He: “The one we live on?”

She: “Not this island! That island! The one with all the animals on it!”

He: “The critters we’ve got aren’t good enough?”

She: “Not for the military. They wanted something special.”

He: “Special forces?”

She:Exactly!

He: “Such as?”

She: “Well, cross a chimpanzee with a mouse and you get something really small and really smart. Perfect for espionage. And their sense of humor helps with training and esprit de corps.”

He: “Cool. Did it work?”

She: “Well, not really. It’s hard to spy on people when they’re standing on tables and screaming at you.”

He: “Should’ve crossed the chimps with starlings. Aerial reconnaissance.”

She: “Worked fine until the chicken hawks showed up. Then they figured out that, screw the bananas, screw the esprit, they could get killed out there! And they went AWOL.”

He: “You would expect them to be intelligent.”

She: “And then there was the cross between the rhinoceros and the cheetah.”

He: “Woot! Fast biodegradable armor!”

She: “Fast biodegradable dumb armor. How do you control a tank that can run you down at 60 miles per hour and eat you, whether you’re friend or foe?”

He: “Well, what did you expect? You were cheetahing! Did no one call you on this?”

She: “Why would they? We were taking gorilla warfare to new levels!

He: “And then you woke up?”

She: “Um, well, yeah!

He: “Good. I was wondering how I was going to get a security clearance on short notice so you wouldn’t have to kill me for listening to this.”

She: “You know what’s weird?

He: “Weirder than AWOL flying chimpanzees?”

She: “Here I am, designing all these beasts and doing the mad scientist thing, and at the same time I’m the gal jumping up and down yelling this is a really dumb idea! Shouldn’t that be, like, two people?”

He: “It’s a dream. You can do whatever you want, be whatever you can, ah, dream up. Just don’t try this at home, huh?”

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Responses

  1. Don’t try this at home? Darn. I just bought an anteater and was going to cross it with a Neon Orange Corydoras Catfish and see if I could create a creature that would keep the kitchen floor clean.

  2. Just as well. It’d probably ignore the floor, use its sucker mouth to climb the walls, and its prehensile tongue to clear out the pistachio stash.


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