Road Worriers

He and She were driving in to Honolulu on the (ahem) Interstate one sunny weekday morning …

He: I’m going to weld 25-foot-long steel beams onto the front of this car.

She (suddenly awake): Say what?

He: I said, “I’m going to weld 25-foot-long steel beams onto the front of this car.”

She: On my car?!?

He: I presume you wish to keep it?

She: Well, duh!

He: Well, I’m trying to help. If I weld those steel beams to the front of the car, we might just be able to keep a safe distance between us and the car in front of us without some yahoo, who’s driving an SUV like it’s a Corvette, cutting in at 70 mph.

She: And we’d also wipe out half the pedestrian population of Honolulu every time we turned a corner.

He: OK, I’ll make the beams retractable. Besides, what makes you think we’d be able to make turns anyway?

She: Huh?

He: Didn’t you see that sign back by the exit?

She: No.

He: It said, “No Left Turns On Kapolei Parkway.” I had no idea you could run out. Do we have a ration card sitting around somewhere, that you haven’t told me about? It could be embarrassing, trying to make a hard turn to avoid SUVs cutting in on us at 70 mph, and being told “Sorry, pal, you’ve exceeded your allotment”. I don’t like surprises.

She: Remind me never to let you out of the house without breakfast again.

He (ignoring the interruption): And imagine the Authorities allowing an entire highway to run out of turns. Yes, I know, though two wrongs don’t make a right, three rights make a left. But that’s no way to manage a transportation system.

She: You know what else three rights make?

He: No. What?

She: A knockout.

   – O Ceallaigh
Copyright © 2008 Felloffatruck Publications. All wrongs deplored.
All opinions are mine as a private citizen.